Do you ever wonder if healing from emotional wounds is really possible? Can someone really heal from trauma, rejection, depression, a broken heart?
Perhaps youve been hurting for a long time and things dont seem to be getting better.
Perhaps you feel stuck, like youve tried everything, and it hasnt helped.
Or perhaps you feel like youre too old or its too late for you to change.
When you feel so broken and defeated, the task of rebuilding or reinventing yourself and your life feels overwhelming. Its natural to have doubts to wonder if emotional healing is really possible.
I want to assure you that emotional healing is possible. As a therapist, I see people make remarkable recoveries, becoming healthy, happy, and more fully themselves often in ways they never imagined.
But, its true, not everyone returns to emotional health. Some people continue to experience deep emotional pain, repeat unhealthy behaviors and relationships, and struggle with negative, distorted thoughts.
In my 20+ years as a psychotherapist and social worker, Ive noticed some commonalities among people who heal more fully from their emotional wounds and pain. I hope these reflections and tips will help you heal, as well.
- Take baby steps. Trying to make too many changes all at once can backfire. You may become overwhelmed or feel like a failure if you set unrealistic expectations. And dramatic changes are often unsustainable. Making micro-changes small, manageable, incremental changes create feelings of success, hope, and encouragement that are important to carry you through your healing process. You can learn more about making micro-changes here.
- Remember that you dont have to heal 100% to improve the quality of your life. Many people mistakenly believe that emotional healing is all-or-nothing. Again, this belief can be discouraging and overwhelming. But most importantly, its not accurate. Any modest amount of healing will improve the quality of your life. Take it one step at a time and you will notice small improvements in your mood, ability to cope with triggers, relationships, self-esteem, and ability to complete your daily activities.
- Be patient and persistent. Healing is a lot of work. We need to be patient and allow for the time needed to gain new insights and skills. And we need to be persistent and keep going even when it gets difficult, be willing to try new approaches, and challenge ourselves in new ways.
- Set realistic expectations. Im a big believer in the importance of setting realistic expectations. When we dont, we end up disappointed and frustrated often at ourselves, which doesnt help us heal. One of the most common unrealistic expectations that I see is expecting progress to be consistently forward. Nobody just gets stronger and stronger, healthier and healthier. Progress is more likely to be two steps forward and one step backward. And, honestly, dont be surprised if sometimes its two steps backward and one step forward. This isnt a failure, its a reality. And realistic expectations coupled with patience, persistence, and self-compassion will lead to forward progress, it just may include a few detours and be slower than youd like.
- View setbacks as part of the process and learning opportunities. Not only are setbacks normal, but theyre also Often, we learn more from what doesnt work than what does. So, instead of trying to avoid setbacks or relapses, accept that they are part of the process and challenge yourself to be curious about what you can learn that will help you move forward and toward greater healing and self-love.
- Prioritize self-care and self-compassion. When you ask a lot of yourself, you need to give a lot to yourself. And working on emotional healing takes an awful lot of energy, time, and sometimes money. In order to keep going, you need to really pay attention to your feelings and your physical sensations in your body (such as tight muscles, headaches, fatigue, etc.) because these are your bodys way of telling you what it needs. Take the extra time to listen and take good care of yourself.
- Be willing to process your feelings about the past. Trying to avoid whats happened in your past doesnt work. Those feelings tend to stick around, sometimes lying dormant or numbed for a while, but they eventually burst back into our consciousness with a vengeance. This is why therapists so often talk about needing to feel your feelings. We need to feel them and give them space before they lose their power over us and truly become part of the past. You can slowly work on sitting quietly, allowing your feelings to surface, naming them, and exploring what theyre about. For many people, this is quite challenging and working with a therapist can be helpful.
- Ask for help. Healing isnt meant to be done in isolation. It isnt easy to ask for help, especially if people have betrayed you in the past. But reaching out for help has so many benefits emotional support, guidance, and the ability to break down shame. And help can take many different forms depending on your needs, so I hope youll look at it as another form of self-care and ask for the kind of help that best meets your needs.
If you feel discouraged, a guided meditation or mantra can help you shift your thoughts towards a more hopeful, positive outlook. You can experiment with the short healing meditation Ive written below or try creating one thats specific to your own challenges and needs.
Emotional healing is possible.
I am learning to take it one day at a time.
I will remember that its not a race to the finish line.
I will be patient with myself and continue to take small steps forward.
And when I have a setback, Ill use it as an opportunity to learn more about myself and how to heal my emotional wounds.
Emotional healing is a lot of work, so I will treat myself with loving care and remember to replenish my physical and emotional energy.
I will try to slow down and feel my feelings.
I will seek help from trusted people who can give me guidance, encouragement, and love along this journey.
I am healing one day at a time.
I am learning to trust myself and speak my truth.
I am learning to embrace my true self, imperfections and all.
I am learning to let go of what other people think and to honor what I think and feel.
I am learning about my interests, priorities, and values.
I am learning to make time for rest, fun, and pursuing my own goals.
I am learning to put myself on my to-do list.
I am learning to be ME.
I am healing one day at a time.
2019 Sharon Martin, LCSW. All rights reserved. Photo byAlex WoodsonUnsplash.
